Aftermath: Sound Life
by Regina Raptorum
Summary: When the gunsmoke settles and they have a chance to catch their breath, it's time to take stock of the situation and come to terms with what they've lost and what they've gained... Trigun Aftermath fic. On hold, SPOILERS. Please RR.


Author's Note: First multi-chapter Trigun fic. It's an Aftermath fic in the same style as Rhapsody in Pieces. Just some general musings about what the characters might say and do after the end. Spoiler alert. Please R&R.

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or associated characters, though I wish I did. Trigun belongs to the people who created it. Anyway, I don't have any money to be sued for.

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You know, I don't think any of us thought it was going to work out quite this way. I mean, I was pretty sure he would win, but I wasn't certain. I certainly wasn't prepared to see him coming back, with someone (who I later found out was his brother) slung over his shoulder. And I was completely surprised to see he didn't have his trademark coat.

I hope this means it's over. Maybe now he can finally let himself be the person he always wanted to be. Maybe he can finally stop looking over his shoulder. Maybe I can…

Stop. That's silly. I don't know if he even thinks of me like that. But, as Milly would undoubtedly tell me, I'm not going to know until I ask.

I've known for a while that I loved him, I guess. Since… well, since Augusta, I think. Maybe even before then. Of course, it took me forever to be willing to admit it to myself, let alone him. And then, by that point, I'd figured out that telling him that would only hurt him. He tried to distance himself from us and others so much, to try to protect us from the chaos that was his life. I know he worried, when we kept insisting on getting involved.

There's also the problem of his very well concealed, but no less real self-hatred. He really scared me, when he was in that depression after he'd had to kill Legato. I wish I had been stronger. I saw him remember it, I knew how he'd react, and I ran away. I didn't run far, true, but it was far enough. I just couldn't handle it. So he was alone, during the one time he shouldn't have been. I'm just glad he snapped out of it before he let those people kill him. Apparently, I said something that brought him out of it, which makes me very happy. I just don't know what it _was_.

And I really don't know if he'll let himself be loved. He always struck me as the kind of man who honestly believed that he didn't deserve to be happy. Guilt, I guess. Knowing him, none of it's deserved.

I hope that this means he'll allow himself to be happy. He's done so much for so many, made so many people happy, that he deserves it. I think he's always deserved to be happy.

I wish I knew what we're going to do with his brother. On the one hand, from what I understand, this is the man responsible for ninety-nine percent of the misery in his life. On the other hand, it's his _brother_, and he seems very protective. Certainly it's the only actual family he has left. I'm rather torn. A part of me insists that this man is far too dangerous to have around, that as soon as he's recovered, he'll kill us all, or try. We should take him to the police, or leave him in the care of a hospital and go as far away from him as we can. Or both. But I don't want to make him sad. I can't stand it when he's sad. He seems to think he's gotten the chance to reconcile with his brother, and he wants to take that chance very badly.

What do I do? Do I play the so-called voice of reason, and point out how dangerous it is to have him around, and break Vash's heart? Do I go along with it, and take the risk? For that matter, what do I do about my own relationship with him? Do I try to make it work, or do I just cherish what I've already got? Can it work? Will he think of me like that? I know he loves me, but I can't tell if it's the way I love him, or the way we love Milly, like a sister.

If I try it, I might scare him off. He's afraid of letting people close, afraid that he'll hurt them or lose them or both. Even if I don't scare him off, even if by some miracle, he loves me back, if his brother is still dangerous, I'll just be giving him something else to hurt Vash with. If I don't say anything, then at least I'll keep what I've got. If I tell him I love him, I could lose so much. But I could gain so much more...


End file.
